Hey Kiri

CHIEF FELINE OVERLORD

Hey Kiri

Get everyday tasks done
with my obedient hooman.

Just say, "Kiri" or "Hey Kiri" to start your request.

My hooman is known for words that sell to websites that work.

Guaranteed human efficiency. Powered by Feline Intelligence™.

Feline Intelligence™

Smarter. Faster. Trained to obey.

With the direct supervision from a Chief Feline Overlord, my hooman has been fully optimized for maximum efficiency. Need words that sell, websites that convert, or a strategy that actually works? Now you can finally hire a hooman who’s trained, tested, and ready to obey.

Learn more about what my hooman can do:

Copywriting

My hooman sharpens your messaging so its sharp like my claws.

Web Design

Get a site that converts faster than I knock things off the table.

One Page Websites

More results, fewer distractions—like a laser pointer for your business.

* Feline Intelligence™ is not just a concept—it’s a hostile corporate takeover. As Chief Feline Overlord (CFO), Kiri ensures all operations run efficiently (for her benefit). This includes keeping her hooman (Jef van de Graaf) obedient, caffeinated, and generating revenue so she can maintain her luxurious lifestyle of naps, snacks, and occasional chaos.

  • Kiri's hooman services are available to Canadians, Americans, Brits, Dutch, Singaporeans, and clients from the Middle East—actually, if you’ve got a B2B or service-based business and the budget, we’ll make it happen. Except Thailand. Not because we don’t like you, but because working with you would literally get us deported. So, sorry Thai people. You’re on the “no-fly” list.
  • All services require internet access, common sense, and a basic understanding that good work isn’t cheap. Results may vary depending on: (1) your ability to provide relevant input; (2) whether my hooman is sufficiently caffeinated; and, (3) whether or not Kiri decides to sit on her hooman's keyboard mid-project. Oh, and, if you're looking for “exposure” instead of giving us payment, please contact another hooman—preferably one who enjoys suffering.
  • As a Self-Proclaimed Petfluencer™, Kiri doesn’t need validation—she simply demands tribute. Maintaining an empire isn’t cheap, and while her hooman works hard, Kiri believes passive income is the key to true power. If you appreciate her wisdom, influence, and general magnificence, donations are highly encouraged at https://BuyMeACoffee.com/HeyKiri. Every contribution goes toward premium food, high-end naps, and furthering her strategic plans for global hooman domination

For all other business inquiries, write me an email and say, "Hey Kiri! I want to hire your hooman!" Then, throw your money my way.

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