Privacy Pawlicy
Welcome to HeyKiri.com’s Privacy Pawlicy (or “Privacy Policy” in hooman speak)—because even feline overlords need to comply with hooman regulations. This page explains what data we collect, how we use it, and how we (mostly my hooman, Jef van de Graaf) keep it secure.
If you’re here, you’re either very responsible or just really paranoid. Either way, read on.
1. Information We Collect
🐾 Personal Identification Information: If you willingly submit it (e.g., filling out a form, emailing me/my hooman, or attempting to bribe me with treats), we may collect your name, email, business details, and payment info (only if you pay for my hooman’s services). You can refuse, but it may prevent my hooman from helping you.
🐾 Non-Personal Information: We automatically collect boring-but-useful details like your browser type, IP address, device type, and how long you linger on the site before realizing Kiri runs this operation.
2. Cookies (Not the Edible Kind)
Yes, this site uses cookies. Unfortunately, they’re not the delicious kind.
🐾 What they do: Cookies help remember your preferences and improve your experience. They may also power analytics and third-party integrations.
🐾 How to opt-out: You can disable cookies in your browser settings. But don’t blame us if things look weird afterward.
🐾 Third-party cookies: Some external services (like Google Analytics, embedded videos, or ad networks) may also use cookies. They have their own privacy policies—we suggest reading those if you have the patience.
3. How We Use Your Information
Your data is used strictly for business purposes, such as:
🐾 Helping my hooman communicate with you about copywriting, web design, and other services.
🐾 Improving the website (because even I admit, things can always be better).
🐾 Processing payments and fulfilling orders (if you hire my hooman for services).
🐾 Sending updates and marketing materials—but only if you actually opt-in (we don’t believe in spam).
We do not sell, trade, or rent your personal data. That would be beneath my feline dignity.
4. Sharing Your Information
We only share information in these very specific scenarios:
🐾 With service providers (like payment processors and email platforms) to help run the business smoothly.
🐾 If required by law (because both I, Kiri, and my Hooman, Jef van de Graaf, can’t outsmart government regulations).
🐾 If you ask us to (e.g., referrals or collaboration requests).
Your data is never sold or randomly distributed—because that’s shady, even for a cat.
5. Third-Party Websites & Services
This website may contain links to third-party sites, like:
- BuyMeACoffee.com/HeyKiri (for paying tribute to my empire).
- External content (like embedded videos, analytics, and payment gateways).
🐾 Once you leave HeyKiri.com, we’re not responsible for what happens. Their site, their rules. Proceed with caution.
6. Data Protection & Security
My hooman does everything possible to keep your data safe.
🐾 SSL Encryption: Your information is protected with encryption to prevent prying eyes.
🐾 Secure Transactions: Payments are processed through trusted third-party platforms—we don’t store your payment info, ever!
🐾 Limited Access: Only authorized hoomans (aka, my hooman, and no one else) have access to your personal data.
That said, no website is 100% hacker-proof. If you’re overly concerned about online security, we suggest adopting a cat-like approach: Stay skeptical, don’t click shady links, and always be one step ahead.
7. Who This Applies To
🐾 This Privacy Pawlicy applies to all visitors, users, and lurkers of HeyKiri.com—whether you’re here to hire my hooman, browse, or just admire my greatness.
🐾 If you access this site, interact with its content, or submit any personal information, this Pawlicy applies to you regardless of where you are in the world.
🐾 The only exception? If you’re a cat. Because let’s be real—you have no privacy, and you don’t care.
8. Changes to This Privacy Pawlicy
We reserve the right to update, tweak, or completely rewrite this Privacy Pawlicy at any time. When that happens:
🐾 A new version will be posted here.
🐾 The “last updated” date will change.
🐾 You agree to any changes by continuing to use the site (or just by being too lazy to check back).
9. Contact Kiri (or, More Likely, My Hooman)
If you have questions, concerns, or just want to send me virtual head scratches, you can reach out:
📩 Email: cfo@heykiri.com
Final Disclaimer
By using this site, you acknowledge that:
✔ Kiri is the true authority here.
✔ My hooman is simply an extension of my will.
✔ If you don’t like this Privacy Pawlicy, you are free to close the tab and take a nap instead.
🐾 Kiri
Chief Feline Overlord (CFO)
HeyKiri.com
This page was last updated on February 7, 2025